Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
