Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
