In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
