You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
