how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize