Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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