Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
