just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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