he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize