I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
