You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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