just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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