i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
