four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
