Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
