the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
