yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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