I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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