Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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