Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
