did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Damn victory sex feels great
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize