I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
