She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
