pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
