I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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