don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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