this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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