Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Randomize
