We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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