OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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