I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize