she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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