I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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