May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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