Non-Jews are for practice
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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