So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
