I wish I could teleport
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
