dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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