these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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