So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
