I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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