Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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