What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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