I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
