her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
