I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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