I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
