So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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