You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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