70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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