My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
