He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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