Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
