i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
