My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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