Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
