I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
wow bdsm is so cute
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