I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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