all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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