): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
