I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i out mim tonsoeep
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