Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
PANTIES FOUND
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
