I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
