He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize