I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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