Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
