Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
