I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize