Define "chronic" masturbator.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
