If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
