Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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