well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think my mom watched the whole time
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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