How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I need water and some morals
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
