Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
