You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
