so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
