Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
