I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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