All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
