my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The uberlube is also flammable
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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