Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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