All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
40s are totally the cure
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
