Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
