In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
