I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
