nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
