Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
