he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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