Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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