if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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