Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
