when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
