My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
