we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
