So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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