Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
