he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
