Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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