Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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